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Here I was, sitting in a bougie Greenpoint pizza place across from — finally, after all these years — my high-school crush.

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Confidence-wise, I learned to adopt a “fake it till you make it” approach, a strategy that came to serve me well in my dating life.

So imagine my sheer delight when said high-school crush — let’s call him Ryan — relocated to New York City and asked me, after months of liking my selfies, if I wanted to “hang out.” I’d come so far, emotionally and dermatologically, and now I could finally show him.

When an adult woman chooses to date someone with whom she truly had nothing in common, solely to prove to herself that she really is lovable — well, you can probably guess.

Maybe I should have seen it as a sign of things to come when, after our first kiss, all I could sputter was, “Oh, wow.

* * * As so many good tantrums do, it began with a selfie.

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