In a post for Fox News Magazine, Kim Olver, author of "Secrets of Happy Couples: Loving Yourself, Your Partner and Your Life," stresses the importance of friendship in romance: When I think of reasons people cheat, I often hear things like, ‘She never supports me.’ ‘He didn't want to spend time with me.’ ‘She doesn't understand me.’ ‘He never really listens when I talk to him.’ ‘I don't even think s/he likes me.’ ‘S/he is always complaining.’ Aren't all these statements really the opposite of the core of friendship?
During my semester abroad in college, I went on a trip to Rome with my best guy friend, and I can guarantee you neither of us felt a spark or tried to make "love" happen, even when we were admiring the Colosseum together or eating spaghetti and drinking wine under the dim lights of romantic outdoor restaurants. If you're in the category of male/female friendship in which something more could definitely be on the horizon, know that taking that leap of faith could be the best decision you'll ever make.
It might feel scary, and you might fear that it'll ruin the connection you already have, but the best – and easiest – relationships truly grow from friendships.
The hard part is figuring out which of those three things the person you’re seeing wants as well (assuming they even want anything from you at all). We trust more with our bodies than we do with our hearts. How many of you reading this have friends that know you more intimately than your significant other ever will? How many of us have had more than our fair share of short-lived ‘romances’? Chances are may of those instances left much to be desired. Yet there is no denying the dependability, growth and fulfillment we experience with our friends.
By putting your agenda to the side, you’ll eliminate the dating pressures and expectations which will result in a more genuine interaction. We are more preoccupied with being judged, and since there is an ‘unknown’ agenda on both ends, we tend to be much more guarded with our feelings making it a little more challenging to establish trust. Sh*t some of us don’t even trust our wives or husbands. Sure the dynamic is different, but a romance built similarly (in addition to the fire and desire) could be the difference between having another ‘passerby’ and the type of relationship you crave. No slut shaming here because life is about experiences; and truth be told all of our experiences including the one’s we feel we could have done without, serve a purpose. But philosophical bullsh*t aside, we all know damn well we wouldn’t have wasted nah a condom or two minutes of our lives with some of them ‘fresh faces’ we let into our bedrooms had we exercised a little due diligence. If this person is already exhibiting slightly concerning behavior while you are getting to know one another, can you imagine how much more turnt up it will be after ya’ll cross that bridge into lovers territory?
There are so many reasons to be friends before you start dating someone and decide to commit to them.