Location: Southwest Canada (not far from where the Golden Gate Bridge is located in our reality). You know, I’m automatically attracted to beautiful… (5) My first sexual experience was being raped at the age of 22 by someone who wielded power over me, who controlled my future, and who was fully aware that I was sexually inexperienced and confused about my sexuality. I have no future worth living.”We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.Time: a year named “The Earliest Early Americanist” (corresponding roughly to our year 2000 AD). We are your most perilous and dutiful brethren, the song of our hearts at once furious and sad. (6) I spent much of my twenties in relationships that allowed me to pretend (or try to pretend) that Stanford never happened. Since then my personal life has resembled a desert ruled by agoraphobia and the wish to destroy my capacity to feel attraction. This man was supposed to be my dissertation adviser.
It’s a story I have told numerous times already—to psychiatrists, to close friends, to myself, to lovers, to neurologists, to therapists. I said it was a conundrum: Throughout history, some people in institutional positions of power (e.g.
The story begins with my suicide attempt at age 21 and ends with Stanford’s own punishment of the professor in 2001: two years of suspension without pay. straight white male professors with tenure and endowed chairs, among other privileges) have decided that their positions authorize them to use less powerful people (e.g.
I describe the long horrible months of sexual harassment. I was actually calling Stanford alumni for financial donations, to ask you for a gift of, but, I don’t, I mean, in this case, for you…”Something is happening to my eyes. 21-year-old first-year graduate students who happen to be female, mentally ill, and 1.5-2nd generation Korean American) in ways that make the powerful even more powerful (while putting the powerless in a risky situation).
I describe the rape—or the parts of it that I can bear to mention out loud. The room has begun at once to darken and to seem much too bright. Bright like sunlight at noon in Northern California on a cloudless day. But the abuse of power can ultimately make the powerful weak by undermining public trust in institutions—including academic institutions—and their work.
Our anthologies still include holograms of jewel-like eyes, porcelain skin, ruby lips, hair like gold, and so on.“Over time the white men themselves modified the sonnet to make it accommodate topics other than male heterosexual desire. You can do anything.” —The 45th President of the United States of America (1) I cannot speak for others who have been raped. Please do not mistake anything I write here for a generalization.